I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
