look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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