i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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