some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
