Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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