you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
