My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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