Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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