Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
