I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
