Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
