Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
