So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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