i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
