Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
