go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
