Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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