Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
