we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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