Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
