If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
