And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
