I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
