he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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