Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize