i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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