see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
