You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
