Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
