Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
