i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
