After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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