How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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