And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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