I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
