Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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