I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
