I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
