i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
