how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
