he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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