Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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