do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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