Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
