grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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