is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be