He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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