Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
