my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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