ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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