There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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