Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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