we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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