I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
