Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
