I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you never un-have a 4some
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize