I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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